{ about } Personality

[melancholie]

 

 

 

             Dimitri Kuroneko was a naive and happy kid. Before space-time shenanigans warpped him, he was a happy mortal living with a happy family. His parents were happily married and he had an older sister, all of whom loved Dimitri to the moon and back. Maybe even further. During his childhood, Dimitri grew to understand that magic could exist-- Heck, his parents were mages who met when they saved the world together, and they were horrible secret keepers,--- but he also learned to respect the laws of reality. He was a bookworm, and equally balanced his love for science and fact with a love for fantasy and fiction. In fact, it was perhaps because the magic of his parents was known to him that Dimitri was able to become so grounded: Even magic had limits, after all.

             Most importantly, the mortal boy Dimitri was always smiling. It was this that the emo child would lose and never recover as his stupid angst quest began spiraling out of control.

             The importance of this smile eludes to one wonderful life advantage that had horrendous consequences: Growing up, Dimitri experienced little to no major suffering. His parents had both suffered horrid hardships before they were even teenagers, so they were perhaps a bit too dedicated to keeping Dimitri's childhood a happy one. While not out right spoiled, Dimitri was given the chance to earn anything he asked for. When things got miserable at school, his parents and older sister always had his back and never got angry with him. Dimitri's pet cat did not die tragically, he had no grandparents to lose, his parents and sister were perfectly healthy, his friends were all good to him, he never truly failed anything he started... All in all, life was good.
              So Dimitri never learned how to handle any sort of loss or losing. He was used to things always working out if he tried hard enough. Because of this, Dimitri was not equip with the maturity or techniques he needed to solve problems caused by loss. When he lost his family, Dimitri had no reason to believe that he could not be reunited with them through enough effort. Even with the odds blatantly being a billion to one, Dimitri honestly didn't think he could fail. This stubborn streak still exists in him, causing Demi to push at something for an extraordinarily long time before he realizes that it is hopeless.
               The word choice of "hopeless" is also important to Demi's change of character. With Dimitri, there was always a chance. Sometimes it was just smaller than others. With Demi, there's yes or no. Once he gives up on something, he considers the chance of it to be zero and declares it hopeless. Until he makes the declaration, he'll fight and struggle as if the chance to actually 99%. It's 0% or 99%. He doesn't count on the 1% miracle.
                This is part of his new resolve; Demi may be out to create miracles, but he's not big on wasting energy. Unfortunately, he isn't that kind of invincible spirited hero. He's a person who would rather use his energy effectively and won't pursue extremely low odds. He calls that "gambling" and will playfully say "my mother said I can't gamble," when in actuality he's just passing off the blame for being lazy.

                 Passing off blame is another habit of his. Dimitri did it and Demi still does it. But he does it in a sort of twisted way, where he is not simply participating in a black and white "nothing is my fault." A lot of things are his fault, and he knows that. Dimitri divides the blame depending on what the problem is and how willing he is to solve it, and it goes into three categories: Blaming others, Blaming himself, and Blaming Mom.
                When blaming others, Demi is saying that a problem is out of his control. He is admitting that he can do nothing to solve it anymore. But he's stubborn and would try to solve things endlessly if the solution was in his power. So, to stop his stubbornness, he passes the blame to another person. This way, he knowingly tricks himself into giving up his effort and resting. It is a last ditch attempt to give up and walk away from something when it becomes hopeless.
                 When blaming himself, Demi is putting the problem within his control. He is hating his present self and trying to blackmail himself into becoming better. It is a self deprecating way to encourage himself. Sometimes it worked in the past, but these 'days' it just causes Demi to hate himself. However, so long as he thinks he is the root of a problem then he also thinks that he is the one who can solve it. It does push himself forward. Just at the cost of his happiness and self image.
                 Lastly, when blaming Mom, Demi is making a fact. He would never disobey his mother, even now as an independent eighteen year old. So if he says something is his Mom's fault (or more often, something she told him to do or not to do,) it means that he won't budge on the subject and you really ought to just drop it. After all, you aren't his mom.
 

 

                 The self deprecation is a big part of how Demi interacts with other people. He has long since convinced himself that he is not very kind, smart, funny, strong, or likable. That's why he runs into so many problems, after all. However, Demi does want friends and he does want the last thing... To be liked. So at some point, he began pretending to be a nice person.  Somewhat sarcastically, Demi actually went over the top. His mother would always tell Dimitri to "behave like a gentleman" and dressed him disgustingly formally, so Demi-- who is so dedicated to his mother's memory-- decided to start redefining himself by overemphasizing these traits.  He is very polite, addresses everyone formally, and behaves like a Victorian gentleman in so many annoying ways.
                   But he always thought of it as fake. When choosing who he wanted to be as "Demi" he would think of it as acting. Demi gradually began to throw his traits into two buckets: Mistakes and flaws were his natural self, while anything he was praised for was an act. Even when he naturally showed instances of kindness or intelligence, both of which he does have in abundance, Demi would just call it "very good acting!" This longterm charade has confused his sense of self, and he has yet to realize it enough to correct it.

                    The game of pretend personalities also gradually caused Demi to disassociate himself with reality. It probably didn't help that he could hop between realities like a rock skipping on a pond. Demi does not gamble in hopeless situations, but that doesn't mean that he is opposed to risk taking. In fact, Demi will often engage in dangerous antics just for fun. If things go wrong, he can just hop to the reality where they went right... and everyone likes to have fun, right? So he doesn't see it as a huge issue. If he gets hurt, Demi does know how to heal himself. Getting backed into a near death experience will turn him off of this thrilling habit for a little while, but he ultimately won't learn any lesson beyond "Well, that was new and exciting!"

                     Having fun is relatively important to him. Most important to Demi, even now, is family. It has probably been made clear that he is disgustingly loyal to his mother. Of all members of his family, it is safe to say that she is the most important to him. It was a love for his family that originally drove Dimitri into his grief. Now, it is a love for family that allows Demi to travel timespace without grieving. He was originally very stubborn on having a "real family," but Demi understands family to be bigger than the people you are legally attached to. Demi can get through most any hardship now because he wants to honor the memory of the familial love that raised him. This is an unfortunate double edge sword: While Demi gains strength from his family, he will also ruin himself to protect it. Logic goes out the window when it's a question of whether not he will try to protect his family. In particular, Demi is deeply affected by any instance of his mother's sacrifice. He hates it and will grieve over and over with the same level of grief, no matter how many times he sees it.

                    Finally, above all else, it's important to note that Demi is no longer  a "human being." He is a magician. Demi chooses to separate the two, which provides further insight to how he views himself and others. When he changed his name, Demi referred to it as "abandoning his human self." He views humans as forward facing 4th dimensional beings that are pushed and pulled by the whims of the cosmos. He has some degree of pity for them as he sometimes does not believe that they can change their own fates. 
                    Furthermore, Demi does not see himself as being on the same "level" as humans. Sometimes this makes him conceited and egotistical as he looks down on them and their small world view. It also makes him cautious and picky when making friends with them. He does a lot more acting around humans as he attempts to seem human himself, and this can be tiring and stressful due to his personality crisis. Demi is much more comfortable interacting with "higher beings" who will accept him for "what" he is. It's hard for him to believe humans can truly accept them because they just don't understand. ( *slams the door like the angsty teen he is* )

                     All of this rolls up into a strange package. Demi acts happy, but hates himself. He smiles and takes huge risks for fun, but he won't put energy into something is the odds are way too low. He is incredibly family orientated, but the same love that gives him strength also tortures him.